he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
