I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
