3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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