i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
