Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
