apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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