It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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