I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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