I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
