The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
