As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We have so much sex to catch up on
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
