I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
