Someone shit on the floor
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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