I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
