I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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