I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Randomize
