he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
last night I used snow as a chaser
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
