you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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