I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
