I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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