I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Boobs are out for the taking
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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