I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
