I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
