walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
