Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
