This is not my ceiling
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
