bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
