Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
