Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
