I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
