So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
