I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
