True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
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