So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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