Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
