Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
