why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
