Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
