The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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