I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
