Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
