Christians are straight up FREAKS
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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