I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
