Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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