just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
