He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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