I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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