So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
