he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
