I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
honey bunches of taint.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
She's the barista slut.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
