3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
