It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
